


Recovery

by AshleighOtaku



Series: Tony Stark's Recovery [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Pepper Potts, Civil War Team Iron Man, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Escapism, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Italian Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, No Smut, POV Third Person, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective James "Rhodey" Rhodes, References to Depression, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, Team Cap Redemption, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, Tony-centric, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23731417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleighOtaku/pseuds/AshleighOtaku
Summary: "Tony Stark was a poor, poor man. No matter how much money he had, no matter what he did – he would remain a poor man."---A Tony Stark-centric story where Tony Stark disappears two months after Siberia. Where he tries to find himself again, where he finally takes a break.---This is a slight rewrite of what goes on between CACW and Infinity War; not everything in this is accurate and nor do I say that I know a lot about PTSD and depression.!Slight Team Cap Bashing!!No Team Iron Man Bashing!*Most likely irregular update scheduleAlso : I do not own any character in the Marvel Cinematic universe or Marvel in general. I am only creating this story for entertainment purposes.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team, Tony Stark & Stephen Strange
Series: Tony Stark's Recovery [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839865
Comments: 105
Kudos: 393
Collections: My unread fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I've never written a fic for the MCU even though I've been a fan for a while now, why not try it out now?
> 
> Warnings:  
> I have no experience with PTSD or depression, so take all representation of that with a grain of salt. If any of you have could possibly explain it to me better, please leave a comment telling me how I could improve <3  
> \---  
> There's slight team cap bashing in the start of the fic, but it will not be the entire fic.

Tony Stark was a poor, _poor_ man. No matter how much money he had, no matter what he did – he would remain a poor man. When he found himself lying in the cold, dark bunker in Siberia, a part of him broke. His heart shattered, seeing that familiar road, his father’s face getting punched in, his mother’s cries, how his hands wrapped around her throat.

_Why did you lie Steve?_

_It didn’t have to be like this._

He thought, staring straight up at the wall, barely able to breathe. His chest plate felt heavy against him, and part of him wished that it could just crush him. He tried to ignore the shield that laid just a few steps away from him.

_But he’s my friend._

_So was I._

He tried to ignore the feeling of betrayal that crossed his mind as he tried to focus on something more – something good. But all that came up were blanks. His went to someplace else – Rhodey.

_Rhodey._

How his body fell to the ground, how he may never walk again – how he shouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place. How it was his fault that his best friend will lose everything.

Tony looked up at the grey concrete, wondering if anyone was going to come for him, if anyone _cared_ enough to come for him, wondering if it would be better if no one came for him.

And so, he drifted off, thinking, without realizing that everything went black.

* * *

When Tony awoke, he found himself looking at a white ceiling. He could vaguely make out the sound of beeping coming from somewhere in the room. Groggily, he sat up, ignoring the slight ache in his body. As he brought his hand up to his face, he heard the door open. Turning his head, Helen Cho walked in.

“Mr. Stark,” She said, clipboard in hand, a cup of water in the other. She placed the cup on the bedside table. “We weren’t expecting you to be up so soon.”

“Yeah, I tend to break people’s expectations.” He coughed out, realizing how parched he was. He reached out for the cup, drinking all the liquid from it.

“Mr. Stark-”

“How is Rhodey?”

Helen’s lips pursed, as if she were deliberating something.

“I’m not allowed to give out information regarding other patients.”

Tony nodded, not seeing the point in putting up a fight.

“Mr. Stark, as I was going to say before, the suit was damaged quite badly, the arc reactor especially, however that could be an easy fix. On the other hand, as the damage that was done was particularly – harsh, it did lead some lasting damage on your person.” Helen took in a deep breath, almost regretting what she was going to say next. “It did some minor damage to your heart and lungs, Mr. Stark, but the impact was strong enough that medium to levels of activity may cause shortage of breath, and further lead to congestive heart failure.”

“Basically, what I’m trying to say here is that, you shouldn’t fly the suit anymore.”

Tony wasn’t sure if he should be sad about the news that was forced upon him. His mind went blank, and for a second, he could hear nothing but silence.

“So that’s it, all the work I’ve put into trying to save the world – gone, just like that?” He could barely understand what was coming out of his mouth, only seeing flashes of darkness and the stars in the sky. He felt himself grasp the bedsheets below him, his jaw clenched, before he let go.

He let out a breath and realized that Helen left long ago, all he could do was stare at his shaky hands.

* * *

Pepper came to visit him at some point, he wasn’t sure of what time – what _day_ it was, but he could remember the conversation clearly.

“ _Tony_ ,” Pepper sounded relieved, but there was also an edge to her voice, it almost sounded like she was struggling to not cry. “I-I.” She grabbed his shirt, pulling her head to his chest. They sat there, Tony could hear her silent sobs, he could see how her shoulders were shaking.

Tony brought his hand to her back, bringing her head to his shoulder, cradling her close.

“I think we should take a break.” She whispered; head still nuzzled in his neck.

“ _I know_.” Tony responded, lightly brushing her hair, his fingers interwoven in her auburn hair.

“I love you.”

Tony stayed silent, caressing her head calmly.

“Will that be all, Miss Potts?”

She chucked slightly, letting herself go from the crook of his neck, her eyes still red and face puffy.

“That will be all, Mr. Stark.”

* * *

Tony visited Rhodey, when he was allowed to leave. It was an odd sensation, trying to walk again after not being able to walk for a while. Though he shouldn’t complain consider the fact that –.

Oh, there Rhodey was, sitting in a _wheelchair_.

“ _Rhodey_.”

Rhodey looked over his shoulder, recognizing the voice immediately. He was smirking, _why was he smirking?_

“Tones.” Even his eyes were smiling, _Oh god_.

“Tones?” Rhodey cut Tony out of his trance. “Are you alright?”

“I don’t-” Tony could feel his pulse quicken, he gulped. Rhodey gave him a sad smile, spreading his arms out. “Come ‘ere.”

In a blink of an eye, Tony found himself in Rhodey’s arms, his arms shaking around Rhodey’s waist, head pressed into his stomach.

“It’s not your fault.” He said, patting Tony’s back.

“How can you just-” Rhodey grabbed Tony’s shoulder, forcing Tony to look at him.

“ _No_. Tony, I know you. I know that you’re blaming yourself, but you have to understand that this isn’t your fault!”

“I could’ve been quicker! You shouldn’t even have been involved in this mess.” Tony growled out, trying to shrug Rhodey’s hands off his shoulders.

“You have to remember the fact that I’m in the army, I would’ve gotten involved anyway.”

Tony felt his mouth get dry, “I-I.”  
“ _Tony_.”

Tony felt his breath hitch, looking back up to see his best friend staring down at him.

A part of him wanted to stay there, to be comforted by him, just like old times. But he knew what needed to be done – and he knew that time wasn’t on his side.

* * *

A month later or so later, leg braces packaged and gifted to James Rupert “Rhodey” Rhodes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony shuts everything down, and finally decides to leave. He doesn't know for how long, but he knows that it would be better for him, better for everybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter would not write itself.  
> \---  
> Hi! it's me, I'm sorry it took so long to update but I've been really busy doing school work. I hoped that I could get more done during the quarantine, but from where I'm from, my school starts next week. Let's hope that I could get some chapters out even during then!

Tony sighed looking down at the large pile of paper in front of him. Ringed together neatly, multiple hard copies and soft copies available to him at his will, it was ready. What he had been working on for the past month and a half, finally finished.

Tony hovered his hand over the stack, almost touching it, but barely.

“Friday?”  
“Yes sir?” the Irish-accented AI questioned, and Tony swore that she sounded sad.  
“Initiate Recovery program.”  
“Are you sure sir?” Friday says, and Tony tried his best to ignore the melancholic beeps coming from his bots.  
“Sir?” Tony suddenly realized that he was staring a Dum-E. Happy beeps echoed through the room as Tony pet his oldest bot. Tony let out a sad smile, seeing the bot cuddle into the hand.  
“Shut it down Fri.”

There was a clear pause, silence ringing through the air as each piece of tech he created slowly shut itself down. The lights were dimming and the bots were going back to their charging stations when F.R.I.D.A.Y says “A portion of your money has been transferred into a new bank account, a small jet is waiting for you on the roof … and, sir?”  
Tony hummed, grabbing two bags in his hand, “It’s been a, as you would call it, ‘wild ride’. Thank you, Mr. Stark.”  
And then, there was nothing but silence, darkness, and the USB in his pocket suddenly felt heavy.

Tony grabbed the two bags that were waiting neatly, and patiently for him that were situated right next to door. He looked back at his workshop for the last time, before taking off.

* * *

Though Tony has been on many airplanes in his lifetime, but it never felt like this before. There was never a melancholic undertone to getting on a plane. It was always supposed to be enjoyable, relaxing. But now he was, sitting in a small jet, no flight attendant, no flashy name on the side, just silence.

He sat, staring out of the window, hand resting on his cheek, looking out at the vast sky outside. Logically, he knew that it wouldn’t take long to get to his location, especially compared to the usual nine hours. Regardless, it still felt like ages to Tony.

He yawned, attempting to muffle the sound with the back of his hand. He laid back into the plush chair, trying to ignore the thoughts that plagued his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

He suddenly awoke to the sound of an announcement being made.

_“We have arrived at our destination; may all passengers leave the aircraft in a calm manner. Make sure that you have all your belongings on you and thank you once again for flying Stark Airlines.”_

Although Tony had never had the public ride on his planes, especially this one that was made for small inconspicuous trips, he always liked adding some flair into his works.

The plane was silent as Tony grabbed his bags, unlike his bots and F.R.I.D.A.Y, the plane wasn’t a learning AI and can’t say anything to him, but Tony felt the impact nonetheless. Tony wasn’t sure when he was going to return, if he ever were to return in the first place. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel like returning, it was his _home_ , who didn’t want to go back home? But he knew that he needed to take a break, from everything, he needed time.

He walked out of the plane, feet hitting the dirt floor far away from his final destination. He had to make sure that none of the locals would see the plane, which was why he decided to walk there instead.

He pulled out a map soon after the plane left, and began his long hike to Scanno, Abruzzo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, it's a little short, but I really didn't know how to tie in the previous chapter into what I have planned for the third chapter. Anyways! Please leave a comment if possible, I would really love to hear your thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark finally found his way to Scanno and starts his new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still horrible at summaries, that's nice to know. 
> 
> !IMPORTANT! : I don't know any Italian and I'm not willing to use google translate, so when characters are speaking in Italian, I just use italics to resemble this. When not used in speed (e.g. not in quotations), it's just used for emphasis. Sorry if this is confusing!

When he arrived at the town, it was silent. If he tried hard enough, he could almost see dust littering the rocky ground.

He brought his map out again, trying to search for a place to stay.

“Hello?” An old Italian man questions, accent dripping heavily with each vowel.

“Um,” Tony wanted to reply in Italian, though he knew that his Italian has gotten kind of rusty over the years. “ _I’m new … is there a place I can go to find a home?”_ He tried anyways, Italian words running from his mouth almost in a familiar way.

“ _Ah yes! Here, here.”_ Tony was dragged across the city, getting a view of the busy town square in the process. Young girls and boys running around the area, women chatting by the water fountain, cafe's bursting with energy (and aroma). 

“ _So, when did you arrive?”_ Tony was snapped out his trance by the friendly stranger. “ _Just before you arrived, actually.”_ He replied, admiring the rustic styled architecture around him. Though he was always a futurist, he could admire the history behind this place.

“ _Really? Then I found you just in time, didn’t I?”_ The man said, cheerfully, energetic despite his age. “ _Uh, yes._ ” The man shot him a smile, “ _So, why are you here? You seem like the type to be in those big cities.”_ Tony paused for a minute, struggling to put his feelings into words. _“I was, I guess I just needed a break.”_

_“Hm.”_ The man hummed, before stopping. _“Here we are, welcome to Scanno! If you need help, just knock on my door.”_

“ _Uh, where do you –”_ The man pointed towards a two-story house with beige walls and a pink roof. “ _Right there, and there,”_ He pointed to a small building right next to it, “ _Is where you need to be.”_ The man saluted Tony goodbye, before strolling off, leaving Tony to himself.

* * *

Tony knocked on the brown door. “ _Come in!”_ A shrill voice cried from the inside, and so Tony followed.

“ _Ah welcome!”_ A woman with curly grey hair and spectacles stood up, coming to the door to greet him with a kiss on each cheek. “ _I don’t recognize you! What’s your name? Would you like some coffee? Come, come sit!”_ She dragged a chair out from beneath the desk, pouring some coffee into a cup. “ _Would you like milk and sugar?”_

“Uh, _no that’s okay”_ She smiled lovingly, passing the cup of coffee over to Tony. “ _So, you’re looking for a place to stay, I assume?”_ Tony nodded his head, sipping the coffee. It wasn’t the best he’s ever had, but he could appreciate the gesture. “ _What’s your name?”_ She pulled out a large notebook from the cabinet beside her, along with a pen.

He didn’t prepare anything, “ _Antonio.”_ Her mouth quirked, smiling. “ _Antonio, beautiful name. Surname?”_ Tony blanked out quite a bit, before thinking; “ _Carbonell”._ She hummed, jotting the name down in the notebook. “ _So, Antonio, what are you looking for? How many bedrooms, toilets, floors? Tell me what you want.”_

Tony didn’t want anything big or extravagant anymore. “ _Just something small, it’s only me. Maybe I’ll need a workroom.”_ He fiddled with the straps of his backpack, coffee now sitting on the desk. “ _Workroom?”_ Tony nodded slowly, hoping that his request wasn’t too weird. The women sat there, pen tapping against the desk as she flipped trough the pages.

“ _There’s a place available just a few minutes away, there are two bedrooms but one could be emptied out for the workroom. We could go look at it if you would like.”_ Tony relaxed his shoulders, “ _That would be great.”_

* * *

The house was indeed small, similar to the house of the man he met earlier. A kitchen, small living room, bathroom, two bedrooms. It was smaller than any house that he’d owned before, but it had wifi and air conditioning. “ _So, how do you like it?”_ The women asked, fiddling with her floral dress. “ _It’s perfect, thank you.”_ Tony smiled at her, touching the kitchen counter top in front of him.

“ _Good! Now we’ll have to discuss payment, unfortunately.”_

“ _Ah no, I have no issue talking about it.”_

_“Well then, let’s start with are you renting or buying it.”_ She pulled a wad of paper out of nowhere, writing down his name and address in messy cursive.

“ _Buying.”_ She hummed, quickly writing that down.

“ _Credit card?”_

_“Uh, Yes.”_

_“We’re going to have to go back to my office then.”_

* * *

Once all was done and Tony said goodbye, he made his way back to the house. Keys were something that he wasn’t quite used to, but it wasn’t too big of an annoyance in his life. No, it was the difficulty of going to sleep.

It wasn’t the beds fault, the bed was nice and plush, it was more complex than that. No, there was something going on in his head, thoughts. Running and running and running, they never got tired of running. He could see his mom and dad again, that darn car, the metal arm.

He wasn’t sure if he was able to breathe, or what was going on with him. The world just seemed to melt away; he couldn’t _focus_.

In, out, in, out.

* * *

Tony woke up to light coming through the bedroom window. Birds chirped loudly outside and he swore he could smell freshly baked bread from outside. He sat up in the bed, rubbing his eyes to get a clear vision of his surroundings. His bag was still sitting just by the door, the wardrobe was empty, the sheets was strewn about.

He yawned, getting out of the bed, opening up his backpack. There were a few items of clothing in there, along with essentials like hygiene products, money, a phone. Tony picked up the phone, and immediately checking the news. He almost fell back to his bed as he was bombarded with articles about his disappearance.

‘Where is Tony Stark!?’

‘Pepper Potts and Tony Stark breakup!?’

‘Where is Iron Man???’

Headline followed by headline and more headlines, there was so many questions, so many things randomly strewn together for no reason. Tony sighed, putting down the phone and headed to the bathroom.

His beard was scratchy.

Tony would usually get a barber to keep his famous goatee perfect – but it didn’t seem right anymore.

No, because a goatee was for genius billionaire playboy philanthropist Tony Stark, just like how red and gold was for Iron Man.

Antonio Carbonell was **not** Tony Stark. Antonio Carbonell was a simple man living in Italy who moved from a larger city to take break. Antonio Carbonell **wasn’t** Tony Stark. Antonio Carbonell **wasn’t** Tony Stark. AntonioCarbonellwasn’tTonyStarkAntonioCarbonellwasn’tTonyStarkAntonioCarbonell –

Antonio Carbonell was not the man who broke the Avengers apart.

Antonio Carbonell was not the man responsible for the death of thousands.

Antonio Carbonell was not the man who created Ultron.

Antonio Carbonell picked up a razor and shaved his goatee off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I finally updated.   
> School started back up for me! Woo! Except not really. Don't worry, the entire school is taking the pandemic seriously and has set up strict rules (masks on at all time except for lunch, sanitize your hands every time you enter a classroom, etc.) I will probably be updating less for the next two weeks (as if I have been updating before that) due to the increase in work and tests coming up since teachers are rushing to give in our final marks. So yeah!
> 
> Feel free to give me your thoughts on this fic, I would love to hear them <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio Carbonell was a normal, normal man. No matter how many times he left the house, no one batted an eye, no phones in sight. It was heaven. There was always one thing that was different about Antonio though – his astounding work with mechanics. Antonio Carbonell is a mechanic who repairs things for free – he helps people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Surprisingly, I don't think I took too long to update this time! Though I have a bunch of tests to finish, writing has really relieved my stress, which is why I'm writing more than usual. Hopefully, if I keep this pace, the next chapter wouldn't take to long to come out. (No promises!) 
> 
> Enjoy!

Antonio Carbonell was a normal, normal man. No matter how many times he left the house, no one batted an eye, no phones in sight. It was heaven. There was always one thing that was different about Antonio though – his astounding work with mechanics. Antonio Carbonell is a mechanic who repairs things for free – he helps people.

“ _Antonio!_ ” The door opening got his attention and he immediately stood up. “ _Ah! Mrs. Malito! I have your clothing iron right here!_ ”

He fumbled around the room, searching for the iron he repaired a day or two ago. “ _Sorry about the mess! I’m working on a lot!_ ” He could hear her smile from behind him, as well as a clink from something being put down.

“ _When I sold you this house, I didn’t realize just how messy you were going to be – not to mention how little you were going to take care of yourself._ ” Antonio scrambled to get up, iron in his hands. “ _I’ve got it._ ” He suddenly grew aware of the scent that overwhelmed his nostrils with deliciousness. “ _Fish stew, thought I may as well award you for your hard work._ ” She smiled bowing her head as a thank you when he gave her the iron. “ _Claudio wasn’t very happy that I took the last of it, but when is he ever?_ ”

Antonio smiled at her antics, though she constantly complained about Claudio, he knew that they were in love. Her eyes crinkled whenever she talked about him and there was always a glisten in her eyes.

“ _Now I won’t keep you for any longer anymore darling, make sure to eat! Thank you once again for doing this._ ” She kissed both his cheeks and walked out the door.

Antonio sighed, feeling an empty pit in her stomach now that she left. Maybe if she stayed – no, no, no, that isn’t right. Antonio was normal, he wasn’t supposed to be clingy.

Antonio shook his head, sitting back down at his makeshift desk to screw in some screws.

* * *

Antonio got to bed at eight, he sat there looking up at the ceiling for a while, grey concrete bringing back memories of …

He shut his eyes tight, trying to ignore the invasive thoughts plaguing his mind. A deep breathe in, deep breathe out. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. It went dark.

* * *

A red-haired woman came into his view, a bottle of vodka in her hand.

“I was eight when I joined the red room.” There was a look in her eye that seemed too natural, too normal. “We were taught how to kill, and dance, beautiful assassins.” Her lip quirked a little, “Sometimes I think we’re too similar in that regard.”

She took a swig of the drink. “Born and raised as killers. Sometimes I think I would be more.”

* * *

A man in a white lab coat, laboratory flasks in hand, carefully poring on into another.

There was a loud, audible ‘poof’ as smoke escaped from the solution. Black dust scattered all over the place, covering the mans face. A loud laugh sounds out as a robotic hand comes to spray the man with a fire extinguisher.

“DUM-E!” The man screams, trying to avoid the bot. The laughing grew louder, and the man turned to look, red hidden behind the black dust. “Tony! Get your bot to stop!”

* * *

“Ah!” A blonde man screamed, jumping out at the seat from his couch. There was a giggle, and a blush covered the mans face.

“Hey! Don’t make fun of me! I wasn’t expecting that!” A pillow was thrown closer, just missing the target. “You’ve seen the movie at least once! This is new to me!”

Another blonde perched on the arm of the cough laughs along, whispering the words “Here’s Johnny” to the red-haired woman. She, in retaliation throws popcorn to the other blonde. “The both of you, shut up. I’m trying to watch the movie.” Though she probably wouldn’t admit it, there was a small smile on her lips. “Tony, stop bothering Steve.”

A punch, followed by another, and another. Bright light flashing in front of my eyes, bright blue. Metal scrapping over hard floors, slams and groans.

A car, the rustling of leaves, _fire, a motorcycle_. Help my wife. _Please_. Help. A scream, a struggle.

So was I, so was I, so was I, so was I, so was I?

* * *

Antonio Carbonell woke up breathless, sweat dripping as he tried to breath.

It was pitch black outside, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore. He sat up groggily, curling into himself, trying to feel his heartbeat. He could feel scars decorating his body, line followed by line. It was a sign of his strength, right? Then why did he feel so weak?

Antonio grabbed a sweater on the way out of the door.

* * *

He sat on top of a boulder near the river, staring out at the glistening waters reflecting the moon light. He heard somewhere that focusing on something pretty calms people down, but all he could focus on were his thoughts running.

“ _Hey!_ ” He heard someone whisper-scream that out, causing him to jolt up in surprise and quickly contort his body around.

“ _Sorry to startle you,_ ” He could barely make out the features of the man talking to him, but he could tell he was slowly climbing up. “ _you looked like you needed company._ ”

Antonio stayed silent, barely knowing how to respond, only knowing that he got caught. “ _I’m Matteo, I don’t suppose you’re here for sunrise, are you? There’s still quite a few hours until that._ ”

Antonio shook his head. “ _No, I just – couldn’t sleep._ ” The man was sitting next to him, he was young, his hair was curly, he seemed to nice. “ _Same. My schedule doesn’t have enough space for sleep._ ” The man looked up at the stars above, eyes sparkling with an expression Antonio didn’t know how to describe.

“ _You’re the new guy, right? The mechanic._ ” Antonio nodded, trying to make sure his expression stayed neutral at the familiar name. “ _So, we’re both good with our hands then?_ ” That comment almost made Antonio laugh, but while restricting it, he may have looked constipated as the man shot him a look. “ _Was that okay to say? Not too weird?_ ”

Antonio shook his head, flashing him a light smile. “ _No, it’s okay._ ” He said, trying to ignore the part of his brain that told him that there was something wrong about the Italian spewing from his lips. There must’ve been something he said to make the man sitting next to him start looking at him sympathetically.

“ _Are you okay?_ ” The man put a hand on Antonio’s shoulder.

That truly was the question wasn’t it. Was he okay? Will he be okay? Was he _ever_ okay? They sat in silence. 

“ _Have you ever loved someone so much, but then they hurt you?_ ” Antonio questioned, trying to put his feelings into words.

The man let out a small, melancholic smile. “ _Yeah, before._ ”

Antonio cleared his throat, looking up at the stars. “ _Do you ever think that even though they did what they did, do they deserve forgiveness?_ ”

The man laughs such an empty laugh, and all the sparkle in his eyes left.

“ _I don’t know you that well, and nor do I know your situation that well but …_ ”

The man turned to look at Antonio, sitting up straight,

“ _I think the real question is are you willing to forgive them?_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I would love to hear your thoughts <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio struggles with more and more every day with losing people. He can feel himself fall more and more into a pit of anger, and he's unsure about everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!   
> It's the summer holiday, so I'm going to try to write more.   
> Honestly, there's a space in my heart reserved for this fic, so while I usually jump into these chapter semi-blind, I'm interested in what you guys think about it so far!

Antonio Carbonell was confused.

He’s been in Scanno for 2 months now, and yet the tension in his shoulder’s remain. He thought holidays were supposed to make you relaxed and comfortable … why did he still feel like shit?

He could feel a volcano build up inside him – every time he slept; he could see people. And he _knew_ these people, but he didn’t want them in my head.

No matter how many times he worked on something for Mrs. Malito or went fishing with Matteo, there was emptiness in his stomach.

Antonio couldn’t sleep anymore.

* * *

He sat on the boulder again.

The air got colder; it was October now. Antonio liked autumn ( ~~Tony always preferred winter~~ ).

Antonio looked at the rippling water nearby. He always fished there with Matteo. ( ~~Tony never went fishing before~~ ).

Antonio tried to relax his shoulders, taking a shaky breath. ( ~~Tony never tried to loosen up~~ ).

Antonio thought back to the day when Matteo found him here. ( ~~Tony wished someone would find him here~~ ).

Antonio thought of his new friends. ( ~~Tony kept thinking of old friends~~ ).

Antonio went back home. ( ~~Where was home?~~ )

* * *

“Stark.” The red-haired woman was back again.

“Romanov.” He could hear himself speak, but that wasn’t him.

The red-haired woman sighed. “It was really hard to track you down. Took me a lot more than a couple days.”

“That was the point.”

“I know.”

She spoke in such a soft tone that he almost couldn’t recognize her.

There was a sigh. She was rubbing her temples, floating closer.

She circled around him, similar to a vulture with floral perfume.

“Tony,” She cupped his cheek, rubbing his clean-shaven face.

“We all make mistakes, us particularly big ones.” He could tell she was struggling to put her thoughts to words.

“You cleaned them up, every single time.” She emphasized words beautifully.

“I’m sorry that we only noticed now … when you weren’t there to clean them up anymore.” Her red lips frowned.

“I won’t tell anyone you’re here. I won’t bother you anymore, I just want you to know that –”

* * *

Antonio woke up again.

* * *

Antonio arrived at the coffee shop at 10. He was late.

Matteo was sitting at their usual spot, swirling his small cup of espresso.

Antonio ordered his coffee, sitting down at the table.

“ _You’re late.”_ Matteo smiled, sipping on his coffee.

“ _Sorry, overslept.”_ Matteo snorted, a sound of disbelief making his way out of his mouth.

“ _You? Oversleeping? That never happens.”_

“ _You would be surprised.”_

* * *

They arrived at the lake an hour later, paddling in it with their usual fishing equipment.

As they sat there waiting for fish, Matteo spoke.

“ _So, tell me what’s wrong.”_

Antonio was surprised. “ _Nothings wrong?”_

Matteo frowned lightly. “ _Stop lying.”_

_“I.”_ Antonio didn’t really know what to say. “ _I’ve just been thinking a lot.”_

“ _About what?”_

_“About before.”_

_“Very descriptive.”_ Though he was being sarcastic, he could tell that Matteo wanted to know more.

_“Do you remember when you first met me?”_

Matteo nodded.

_“It’s that again. It always just goes back to that, that – situation.”_ Antonio strengthened his hold on his fishing rod.

“ _It sucks you know? I just – don’t want to think anymore.”_

“ _I know what you mean.”_ Matteo nodded, taking one hand off his fishing rod to rub his back.

_“There’s too much in your head, constantly. At the end of the day, you’re scared.”_

Antonio nodded.

_“I don’t know your situation, I don’t know what happened, I don’t know who did this to you.”_

Matteo twisted his body to make sure Antonio would look at his eyes.

“ _And I know you aren’t here in Scanno for any other reason but to escape – not from the difficulties of living in a city, but from people. And I just want you to know that, for as long as you are here, I will be here with you too.”_

Matteo rubbed his arm.

Antonio looked at the lakes waters, focusing on the his fishing rod, hoping for a tug.

Antonio knew it wouldn’t come soon, and he wasn’t willing to just leave them in silence.

“ _Thank you”_

* * *

When they left with a bucket of fish for the Malito’s, Antonio swore that he saw a red-haired woman hiding behind a tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys all for the kudos and comments!   
> I would love to hear your guys thoughts, opinions, criticism, anything!
> 
> P.S   
> I'm thinking of drawing something for the fic, but am completely unsure on if it'll look good.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio Carbonell has found himself an apprentice.  
> An apprentice who knows just a little bit more than the other kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well shit, would you look at that! I finally updated after 10 years.  
> Uh, some notes just before you read:  
> \- I don't know anything about politics, so I probably got a lot of stuff wrong  
> \- I just realized that the dynamic between Antonio Carbonell and Tony Stark may be similar to D.I.D, uh, no. It's not D.I.D, and though no one has pointed it out, I would just like to make it very clear that this is in no way, shape, or form a representation of D.I.D.  
> \- I might be making some spin-off stories to add on to this is I feel like it (which I do), turning it into a series. Maybe? I'd like to hear y'all's thoughts.  
> \- Thanks for all the comments, kudos, bookmarks and hits! Y'all are really sweet :)

_“Mr. Carbonell!!! Mr. Carbonell!”_ A young boy cried out loudly from outside the window.

Antonio recognized the voice - It was the voice of his new ‘apprentice’.

He climbed out of bed groggily, rubbing his eyes to look out the window.

The boy was holding a cup in is hands, raising it up trying not to spill the contents. His mother was a barista at the local coffee shop nearby, she always insisted on making sure the coffee was delivered to him as a token of appreciation.

“ _Mr. Carbonell!”_ The boy pushed the coffee up slightly higher so that Antonio could see.

“ _I’ll be right down!_ ”

True to his word, Antonio went to great the boy, after putting on his clothes.

* * *

“ _Mr. Carbonell!”_ The boy jumped excitedly once he saw him. “ _Coffee!”_

Antonio hummed, grasping the cup in his hands and sipping it. The bitter taste coated his tongue nicely before being replaced with just a touch of sweetness.

~~Tony always took his coffee black.~~

_"So kid, what are we going to do today?”_

The boy thought for a second, before a glimmer shone in his eyes.

“ _I want to try make a computer!”_

* * *

There was something about the boy that was familiar to him. Antonio only really noticed now when he started explaining the components of a computer to him.

The child-like aura, the energetic manner of speech, the shimmer in the boy’s eye when he finally figures something out.

Antonio didn’t know who he reminded him of.

* * *

“ _Mr. Carbonell?”_

Antonio hummed hearing his name. It’s been a week or so since the initial topic of computers were brought up. They finally (somehow) managed to acquire enough stuff to make a semi-decent working computer.

“ _Where did you learn all of this?”_

Antonio’s head shot up slightly in response to the question. He wasn’t expecting it. He racked his brain for a good answer.

“ _Here and there.”_

That was clearly not a good enough answer.

_“From books, college, experience. A few different things.”_

The boy had a large, toothy smile on his face.

_“You’re so smart Mr. Carbonell!”_

_“So are you kid. Just keep learning.”_

_“Do you think I could make something really cool when I grow up? Like a robot!”_

_“A computer is basically a robot –”_

_“No! Like a real robot that walks and talks – like Iron Man!”_

A part of Antonio froze hearing that name.

“ _Iron Man isn’t a robot though … but he’s still super cool! I want to be like Iron Man!”_

When Antonio finally got back to his senses, he was slightly confused. Most people, even the younger kids, haven’t really heard of Iron Man here.

~~He thought he would be safe.~~

“ _Where did you hear about Iron Man kid?”_

The boy shot up, almost as if he were surprised.

“ _My mom and I went to Naples a year ago! There was a toy shop selling Iron Man stuff – and Captain America! But I thought Iron Man was so much cooler – you know who Iron Man is???”_

Antonio tried his best attempt at a smile.

“ _Of course, I do,”_

_“Yeah! Cause you’re so smart – most of my friends thought I made him up!”_

_“Made who up?”_ Matteo entered the room at that moment, poking his head through the doorway almost comically.

“ _Iron Man!”_

_“How did you get in here!”_

The words were shouted into the air at the same time.

“ _Keys.”_ Matteo jangled a pair of house keys in the air. “ _You gave them to me in case needed you for something.”_

_“What do you need me for then?”_

Matteo stood there for a few seconds.

A beat of silence then,

“ _Socialization.”_

The boy laughed, and Antonio was left thoroughly unimpressed.

“ _So, Iron Man huh?”_ Matteo asked. “ _The hero, right?”_

The boy’s jaw practically hit the ground. “ _You know who he is too!”_

Matteo chuckled slightly, “ _Of course I do! I used to live in Venice! He’s practically everywhere.”_

_“He’s so cool, right?!”_ The boy was reaching excitement levels that Antonio had never seen from him before. It didn’t help that Matteo was playing into the role of an over-eager puppy.

Antonio let out a soft sigh, which somehow managed to gain the twos attention. 

_“Ah, right. Sorry Mr. Carbonell.”_ The boy said, quickly getting back to work though he was still vibrating with joy.

_“Yeah, sorry Mr. Carbonell.”_ Matteo said with a wide smile. Antonio, as a result, slapped his shoulder.

* * *

The session ended right before the sun set. Tools and other titbits remained scattered messily across the table.

_“What was all that about?”_ Matteo questioned, light blue eyes staring intensely into Antonio’s soul. It almost made him shiver in fear even though he knew Matteo wasn’t angry.

_“What was what about?”_

There is was, the quirked eyebrow that he was so used to over the past through months.

_“Iron Man. What do you have against him?”_

Antonio could feel his shoulders stiffen up.

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Stop lying.”_

That was what Antonio hated about Matteo. No matter how hard he tried, Matteo could always tell when something was wrong. It was hard to lie to him. ~~And considering how his entire existence is a lie,~~

_“As a mechanic, his suit and his work in general is astounding.”_

_“But?”_

_“Tony Stark is an arrogant asshole. A playboy, narcissistic billionaire who doesn’t work well with others. He’s **nothing** without the suit. He’s just a sugar daddy for the actual avengers.” _

He knew his words dripped with acid. He knew very well what he was saying, he knew very well where all of this was coming from.

Matteo was silent.

Antonio’s pulse quickened.

_“You’re a good guy Antonio, but you need to learn how to differentiate between hero and villain.”_

_“Tony Stark has killed.”_

_“But he has saved many more.”_

Matteo left.

* * *

Antonio couldn’t sleep that night. He didn’t even bother trying.

He held the cheap phone in his hand. He hasn’t picked it up – let alone looked at it ever since the very first time. 

Tentatively, he typed the words ‘Iron Man’ into the search bar.

News articles, photos, tweets, fan pages.

There was so much.

A count-up since the last time Tony Stark has been seen in public.

5 months, 14 days, 26.59 seconds.

It’s been longer than Afghanistan, some people pointed out.

Some still think it’s a kidnapping.

Some think it’s a murder.

Some think it’s a … suicide.

Stark Industries twitter account mourns for the ‘loss’ of their ‘boss’.

Pepper Potts twitter account struggling to explain how she did not break up with Tony Stark out of selfishness and heartlessness.

There were too many questions. Too many people demanding answers. It was too much.

But Antonio Carbonell wasn’t Tony Stark, right?

He wasn’t fucking monster.

* * *

Antonio Carbonell searched something else up.

The Sokovia Accords.

‘According to Pepper Potts, Tony Stark left a stack of paper in is workroom before he disappeared. His version of the Sokovia Accords, which added onto as well as changed many clauses to help the superheroes, vigilante, superhuman and mutant community. Aside from this, he left another message near the end of the long document, a list of all charges Thaddeus Ross should be faced with, including proof of the inhumane captivity some avengers were faced with on the raft. The document has been given to the Accords committee, with news coming out about how many of the changes will be implemented – near 100%, as well as how Thaddeus Ross has been charged with all crimes and will be serving a long term in prison and a new secretary of state shall take his place.’

‘The Accords committee has dabbled in the possibility of giving the exiled avengers pardons, sparking controversy, yet understanding from many around the globe. With Tony Stark gone for an unknown amount of time, not many are available to prevent us from any upcoming attacks from aliens or incredibly powerful foes.’

There was a bitter taste left in ~~Tony Stark’s~~ Antonio’s mouth.

His hard work was not for nothing, yes, but –

No.

* * *

Antonio Carbonell wanted to go to a bar, he wanted a drink, to forget.

To _drown._

Drown down the sorrow, the pain, the anguish, the anger, everything.

He wanted to feel numb ~~again.~~

He couldn’t talk to Matteo.

He couldn’t talk to…

He couldn’t talk to Jarvis.

He couldn’t talk to Rhodey.

He couldn’t talk to Pepper.

He couldn’t talk to Clint.

He couldn’t talk to Natasha.

He couldn’t talk to Bruce.

He couldn’t talk to Thor.

He couldn’t talk to Steve.

Tony Stark was lonely again.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this chapter! I'll try my best to update more often but, like always, no promises.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark thinks too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this chapter a while ago then rewrote some of it. Uh, I'm not going to say what I originally wrote cause spoilers (e.g. I wrote something that I'm gonna use in a later chapter.)   
> Not that anyone needs to know this, but I have three specific artists I listen to while writing this fic:   
> \- Harry Styles  
> \- Conan Gray  
> \- Troye Sivan 
> 
> None of these artists songs or personal lives have any effect on the fic but I thought it was an interesting fact. 
> 
> Uh, aside from that, I realize that I haven't really talked about Peter, Wanda, Vision, Sam, Bucky and Scott. This is mostly because I feel like the 'original' avengers had a bigger impact of Tony's life. Like uh, if Tony stayed in New York the entirety of the 2 years like he does in the canon, Peter would be a very important person in Tony's life. But since he doesn't here, Peter wouldn't be crossing his mind that much, if that makes sense?

Antonio sat on the boulder the next night.

And the night after.

And the night after.

Matteo never came.

He kept teaching the kid. The computer was finished, but the kid didn’t know how to use it that well. The only one the town had was in the library, and Antonio never checked it out himself. Apparently, it was very, very old.

Antonio had today free. The kid had errands to run for his mother, so Antonio ~~was left alone~~ had free time.

* * *

Antonio sat in the small wooden boat borrowed from one of that local fishermen he was acquainted with.

Antonio wasn’t fishing for entertainment or out of need, he was fishing out of boredom. He could have done many other things, many associated with technological advancement in the town, or anything else. But he didn’t, he chose to fish.

He couldn’t help but let his mind drift off, eyes focusing on his reflection in the water. With his goatee gone, he looked younger. But he still looked too much like Tony.

Antonio thought back to the conversation he had with Matteo around a week ago.

‘ _You’re a good guy Antonio, but you need to learn how to differentiate between hero and villain._ ’

What did that even mean? Antonio _knew_ the difference. He knew the blood on his hands, the destroyed families left in the world because of him. Tony Stark wasn’t a good person, a womanizer, drunkard, a fool, a narcissist. Its what people said about him, fact, not fiction. It was all true.

Antonio Carbonell didn’t like Tony Stark.

Tony Stark didn’t like Tony Stark either.

* * *

Antonio left with a bucket of fish; well, more like three fish in one bucket.

He gave it to the fisherman who he borrowed the boat from. Antonio didn’t know how to cook; he didn’t need the fish.

He could’ve given it to the Malito family, but every time he went over to give them something, Ms. Malito would threaten Antonio with a spoon. Apparently, Antonio was ‘too generous’, so Ms. Malito wasn’t willing to accept his offerings.

Antonio walked back to his home empty handed, but his head full of thoughts.

* * *

Antonio was tinkering around with some spare parts he had lying around the place. He wasn’t actively thinking of what he was going to make, but instead just going by what felt right.

If he were back at the lab, he would have never done that. Too many safety precautions and risk of failure, all of that bullshit. But since he wasn’t in the lab – he was _free._

Before he knew it, he had made in inner mechanics of a simple robot.

* * *

The small robot sat neatly in the middle of the table, waiting to be rebooted.

Antonio was almost excited, ready for the birth of his creation. But Antonio knew something was off.

He felt guilty. Tony abandoned everything, his entire life, his company, Iron Man, his bots – for this. To run away from his failure, for the first time.

_Why this time._

He was there to pick up the pieces every other time. What kind of hero was he if he didn’t? And he didn’t. He was running away from trouble, hiding, he was a _coward._

Antonio threw a piece of metal at the wall.

His hands were shaking.

* * *

He stumbled back into his seat, hands reaching up to pull at his hair.

“Fuck.”

His mind was running with thoughts, memories and nightmares crashing into each other, dispersing like shards of broken glass.

All he could hear was the murmur of an invisible crowd and the shouting of politicians.

And he was sitting in the middle of all of it, hearing them scream out nonsensical things, static in his brain. He couldn’t hear what they were saying – he didn’t _understand._

* * *

He pulled his hair and shut his eyes tightly, letting out a silent scream.

“Breathe Tony.”

And suddenly Bruce’s voice was in his head.

“Come on, in for 4, keep it for 7, release for 8.”

“I’ll count you in, 1 – 2 – 3 – 4.”

He breathed in.

“Good, now keep, 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7.”

He kept the breath in, it was a bit difficult.

“Now release, 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8.”

He let go.

“Good job Tony. Just keep repeating the pattern.”

He listened.

* * *

Tony remembered.

He remembered before everything came crashing down.

Just after the first time they saved New York, after shawarma. When Tony invited them to live in the tower.

Steve was so surprised when he heard JARVIS for the first time. And though Natasha wouldn’t admit it, he could tell that she was so happy when she saw her floor. Bruce with his lab, Clint in the vents, Thor learning how to use the coffee machine.

Tony laughed, remembering when they first met Pepper and Rhodey. Natasha happily chatting with Pepper about the stupid men in their lives. Steve’s admiration to Rhodey. Everyone (except for Natasha) being incredibly scared of Pepper.

The movie nights each Friday, compulsory thanks to Steve complaining about the fact that he had a lot to catch up on and that he didn’t want to do it alone. The results of those movie nights, where after a while of being together, they were comfortable with snoozing on top of one another. (Steve was very cuddly and Natasha played with his hair in such a nice way.)

Where did it go wrong?

When did Tony stop being ‘Tony’ and started being ‘Stark’ again?

When did they stop laughing at his jokes?

When did they stop worrying about him?

When did he turn into an ATM machine?

When did he stop getting invited to mandatory team meetings?

If Rogers knew about his thoughts, Tony knew he would be called petty. He would be called petty for not stepping up to take responsibility for his actions because of ‘personal reasons’. He would be called petty for not being there. He would be called petty for taking it too personally.

But Rogers used to be the one who brought food down for him when he was in the lab. Rogers used to be the one who reminded Tony to sleep. Rogers was the one who cried while watching E.T and Titanic.

Tony didn’t know what to think anymore. He didn’t _want_ to think anymore.

He wished he was a robot. Just a robot who did his work when told to do it, who didn’t need time for sleeping, eating or human interaction. Who didn’t think or feel anything.

Tony Stark wished that he was made of iron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for all the kudos, comments, hits and bookmarks. They honestly mean a lot to me and make me very happy because it makes me feel like this fic wasn't a hugely stupid idea.   
> I'll love to hear y'all's opinion on the fic so far, I'll always take them into account.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio gets a visit from a certain someone and receives a gift...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter summary sucks, I know. You'll understand what I mean by that when you read the chapter.

There was a fear associated with stepping outside.

_Fear_ that his cover would be blown.

_Fear_ of being forced back to the compound.

_Fear_ of having to see them again.

Tony was familiar with fear. Tony was familiar with, many, many things. Death, popularity, hatred, fame, wealth, etc.

What Tony wasn’t familiar with was redemption.

If Rhodey was here, he would day that Tony had already redeemed himself, though he would try to argue that Tony wasn’t in need of redemption in the first place.

But Tony always knew the truth.

True heroes didn’t need redemption.

* * *

Antonio heard a knock on his door a few minutes after the sunset, a week after Matteo and him fought.

He groggily got up from his couch and opened his door.

There Matteo stood, fumbling with his hands.

“ _Antonio.”_

_“Matteo.”_

Matteo looked sheepish, the tips of his ears just starting to turn red, but he tried his best to maintain his appearance.

_“Antonio, I’m so sorry for not visiting sooner, I got really busy with a project I was working on. Uh, actually, I’m here to show you that project.”_

Antonio was surprised, incredibly surprised.

_“I thought you were angry at me.”_

Matteo let out a long sigh, “ _If anything, I thought you were mad at me. I wouldn’t get mad at you for having opinions Antonio, though I might not agree.”_

Matteo’s eyes softened.

_“Anyways, I want to show you something.”_

Antonio nodded, trying to ignore the thoughts that clouded his mind.

* * *

He was brought to a small house, just on the outskirts of the main plaza. It was small, sturdy and blue. Even under the dim light, Antonio could tell the paintjob was incredibly well done.

_“Sorry, let me just-”_

Matteo fumbled to get the keys out of his pocket, almost in a nervous manner.

_“Right, there we go.”_

As the door opened, so did Antonio’s eyes. The home was beautifully decorated with flowers and paintings hung around the place.

_“You’re an artist.”_

Antonio inhaled sharply.

_“I know, weird right? Mechanic and artist, the dynamic duo.”_ Matteo chuckled lightly.

_“You’re amazing.”_

Antonio admired the painting in front of him, the lake and with the boulder. It seemed to radiate calmness.

_“Thank you. You are too. Uh, but the thing I wanted to show you was upstairs, so if you could follow me that’ll be nice.”_

Matteo seemed incredibly nervous, Antonio hadn’t seen that side of him, well, ever.

Antonio followed Matteo upstairs, wanting to see what was making him so nervous.

* * *

They entered a room, filled with canvases, paint, an easel, a perfect place for a painter to work.

Matteo scrambled around searching through his canvases, before landing on one that he pulled out.

He set it down on the easel, displaying it to Antonio.

New York, 2012, the invasion.

The painting displayed the avengers fighting, Iron Man seen clearly, the focal point of the piece.

Matteo cleared his throat.

_“This was the project I was working on the past week. It’s for you, well – dedicated to you. I’m pretty sure you don’t want it considering the topic…”_

Matteo’s posture changed, he was calmer, Antonio noticed.

_“I guess I just wanted to prove to you, that he isn’t that bad. I guess you could’ve gotten the same message from a photo but, I felt that a painting would bring out the desperation in the fight more.”_

Matteo sighed, caressing the edges of the canvas.

“ _It’s a shame that he’s missing, to me it is at least. The world doesn’t feel as safe right now. I hope he’s doing okay.”_

Antonio had to double check that he was hearing Matteo properly,

_“You have access to the internet?”_

Matteo nodded. As he saw Antonio’s confusion, he laughed. 

_“Some of us do, and I’m one of the few. Technically we all can, but a lot of people would rather live in the moment. I don’t use my phone often, but I needed reference for the piece so…”_

Antonio gave him a sharp nod of understanding.

_“I check in occasionally.”_

_“I probably shouldn’t be complaining about it feeling unsafe now though, since the avengers are back in business.”_

A shiver ran up Antonio’s spine an he visibly paled.

_“Oh, you don’t like them either do you. I mean, I don’t blame you, they were fugitives after all.”_

Antonio shook his head.

_“No. It’s not that. I don’t mind them, but it’s… it’s a lot more complicated than that.”_

Matteo rubbed Antonio’s shoulder.

_“It’s getting late, I should go… the painting is beautiful, but,”_

_“You still don’t like Iron Man, I know.”_

Antonio nodded.

_“I’ll see you, hopefully tomorrow?”_ Antonio questioned, causing Matteo to brighten up.

_“Of course.”_

* * *

As he walked back home, Tony couldn’t help to think back to Matteo’s words. The avengers were back, all his work actually paid off in the end. Maybe, just maybe, everything hadn’t gone to shit just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos, comments, hits, etc.!
> 
> I know I say this all the time but it honestly means so much to me because a lot of this fic is kinda based on my own feelings. Not everything of course cause I never killed someone or do all the cool, batshit crazy stuff that happens in the Marvel universe. But um, yeah, seeing people enjoy this fic makes me really, really happy.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something unexpected happens ... Tony isn't sure if he likes it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as: James Rhodes is a papa bear who doesn't take shit from nobody. 
> 
> \--- 
> 
> !!! A lot of Team Cap bashing in this chapter

Tony was well acquainted with death. From being called the merchant of death to wanting death, the word and idea of it had always followed him around.

It was never surprising when someone died by his hands, directly or indirectly.

But it was a surprise when he awoke to the news that nearly 30 people died as collateral damage, only 6 months into his disappearance.

There was an attack on Times Square, most civilians managed to make it out safely, but many were stuck under cars or signs that had been toppled under.

Many news articles describe the event as a ‘proof of the team’s failure’ or ‘what happens when a core member drops off the face of the Earth’.

Unsurprisingly, a lot of people were distraught, even more being angered by how The Avengers were more preoccupied on the fighting aspect rather than the saving aspect.

Despite the hefty backlash against The Avengers, the most surprising thing to come out of this was the press conference.

Tony wasn’t going to bother watching it, but then …

* * *

“Captain Rogers, do you think that your team’s failure to perform today is due to the disappearance of Stark?”

You could see his face pale slightly as the gears turned in his head, trying to find a way to avoid the question.

That was before James Rhodes stormed his way upstage, a serious expression on his face. He pushes the Captain out of the way before growling into the microphone.

The crowd of reporters is silent.

“Good Morning.”

He grits his teeth, jaw clenching angrily.

“My name is Colonel James Rhodes, Iron Patriot and Tony Stark’s right-hand man.”

He stares the crowd down, eyes blazing with a burning hatred.

“The original group of Avengers consisted of super-soldiers, spies, criminals, professionals… and Tony motherfucking Stark, also known as Iron Man.”

“Tony Stark is _not_ a trained spy, Tony Stark is _not_ a man with a serum flowing through his bloodstream, Tony Stark does _not_ have superpowers. He’s an extremely intelligent man, with a suit of Iron and a heart of gold.”

Murmurs broke among the crowd, some nodding in agreement and understanding, but many not understanding what the point was.

A hand raised,

“Mr. Rhodes, I understand that – however, Mr. Stark did ignore his role –”

“Tony Stark does not owe you anything.”

Silence once again as the man in leg braces spat the words out.

“I’m just saying sir, that if you claim him to be a man with a heart of gold, he ignored his responsibility.”

“TONY STARK IS RETIRED.”

Rhodey yelled out, a vein popping from his head.

“SPEAKING OF RESPONSIBILITY,”

Rhodey pointed his finger straight at the ‘good captain’.

“THIS MAN, THIS TEAM HAS AVOIDED THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TODAY, AND MANY DAYS BEFORE THAT.”

“HOW DO YOU WORK AS A TEAM WHEN YOU PUSH ANOTHER TEAM MEMBER AWAY!”

“HOW DO YOU WORK AS A TEAM WHEN YOU USE AND ABUSE SOMEONE ELSE’S POWER!”

“HOW DO YOU WORK AS A TEAM WHEN YOU CRITICIZE AND HURT ONE SO MUCH THAT THEY GIVE UP!”

“Sir-”

“NO!”

Rhodey breathed heavily, before regaining his composure.

“You did not watch your best friend retreat into their head every time he misses a shot, slips up, accidentally cause damage to property.”

“You did not see him crack over and over again under the pressure and expectations of everyone around until he finally broke.”

“Tony Stark disappearing is not unexpected. Tony Stark disappearing is not him ‘avoiding responsibility’. Tony Stark disappearing is the result of years of subtle harassment and being exploited. Tony Stark’s disappearance is the result of a team’s failure to communicate and work together, similar to the current situation.”

“The faults of The Avengers do not lie on Tony Stark’s shoulders. The faults of The Avengers lie within themselves; _they_ should be the one to take responsibility.”

He storms off stage, leaving a pathetic crowd and silent failures to their own thoughts.

* * *

The video clip was blowing up everywhere.

Allegations of Tony Stark’s mistreatment arise within moments, with many fans seeing their old favorites in a new light.

More and more people were realizing that maybe Tony Stark wasn’t as perfect as he seemed.

_Too many_ people were realizing …

* * *

The support from others felt heavy in his chest, unwanted and too late.

A lot of people described coming out with something as a relief, support being a warmth spreading across your heart.

And yet, despite this, Tony felt his heart grow colder and colder, out of _fear._

A cold unadulterated fear that did not stem from anything logical.

_They know_

_They know_

_They know_

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a shorter chapter here. 
> 
> I've been really busy working on a lot of stuff, so that paired with I didn't know what to do with this chapter basically lead to me putting this off for a long time. 
> 
> I don't really remember everything that goes on through this fics so this chapter might be weird, whoops?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony reflects, and somehow manages to get more unexpected news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternately known as: Author is trying to set something up and isn't sure if it's working

Antonio couldn’t get out of bed.

His body was stuck, frozen.

He stared up, straight up at the ceiling.

A chill ran down his spine.

_In_

_Out_

_In_

_Out_

_In_

_Out_

Oxygen flowed through his body with his blood cells, and yet he felt breathless.

He couldn’t think, couldn’t eat.

_It was his fault after all._

_He should take responsibility._

_He was taught better than this._

* * *

Pale yellow walls stare back at him, a shade of yellow so ghastly that it made him feel worse than better.

The yellow in the compound was always bright and cheery.

The accent carpet Clint insisted on having, Pepper’s sunshine blouse (for her nice days), the small teacups that Bruce collects…

Steve’s hair.

Tony Stark did not like yellow, he could appreciate the colour, but it was always too fake – cheery.

Yellow was a fake smile plastered onto the mouths of a boy when he failed a test.

Yellow was the sunflowers that grew outside the boy’s holiday home, for when his parents were away on business.

Yellow were the laughs people made when the boy told a joke.

Yellow was the colour of daffodils by his parents’ grave.

_Blue_ was always better.

Blue was the colour of Jarvis.

Blue was the colour of technology.

Blue was the colour of home.

Matteo was blue, and Tony, …

Tony was nothing.

* * *

Matteo came by with a cup of coffee, unannounced – like always.

But the coffee tasted different.

It was weirder, he let the taste linger on his tongue as Matteo stirred his own cup.

“ _Sugar.”_

_“That’s a new name.”_

_“No, … you added sugar.”_

Matteo blinked slowly, confused.

_“I always do. One cube of sugar and a splash of milk.”_

_“A different type of sugar, there’s something else in it.”_

_“Cinnamon sugar.”_

Antonio refused to meet his gaze.

_“Why.”_

There was a clatter when Matteo put his coffee down, and an additional buzzing when he took out his small phone.

He scrolls for a while, before placing the phone down and pushing it towards Antonio.

It was a news article with Matteo’s painting on it, with the words ‘ _A tribute to The Avengers’_ subtitling it.

“ _I posted a photo online, I didn’t expect much to happen, but after the situation that happened two weeks ago, it kind of blew up.”_

Tony looked down at the phone, the painting that etched itself into his memory stared right back at him as the headline glistened.

Words were scattered around the page, high praise, background information on Matteo – whose last name was apparently Pacino, comments from fans, and much more. And yet, the thing that stood out the most was …

Pepper Potts.

* * *

‘Ever since Rhodey, Colonel James Rhodes, stepped out on stage during that press conference, people had been wanting Stark Industries to take action against The Avengers. Cut funding, lawsuits, etc.

The short answer is we aren’t going to do it.

Not because we are scared of The Avengers or the repercussions, if it were my choice, I would have done it a long time ago.

But it isn’t _my_ decision to make. It’s Tony’s.

The painting by Matteo Pacino embodies what made The Avengers so special to Tony. It reminds me of what The Avengers were supposed to be. They remind the _world_ of what The Avengers are supposed to be.

I don’t like Hawkeye, Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, Falcon and _especially_ Captain America for hurting the man so important and dear to my heart. But Tony has never wanted revenge, he wanted change.

He believed in The Avengers, and as a result I believe in them. I don’t like them – hate them even, but I love Tony. And I refuse to let Tony be hurt by them again.’

* * *

It wasn’t a video clip, but a statement. But Tony could hear her voice loud and clear.

The soft voice that occasionally had the underlying tone of anger and resentment. The voice that he wanted to hear whisper sweet nothings into his ear every morning.

Tony knew Pepper, and Pepper knew Tony.

Pepper knew the reasoning behind every move he made, and knew she had the capability to change it.

She let him leave.

~~Was it because he wasn’t enough?~~

~~Did she finally give up?~~

Or maybe she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. Maybe this was unexpected.

Maybe

Maybe

Maybe

* * *

“ _I kind of figured you knew how to read English.”_

Matteo cut off his train of thought, and he was brought back to the yellow room.

“ _… Anyways, I thought you should know that I’ll be going to the U.S in a few months’ time.”_

_“What.”_

_“Stark Industries invited me to paint a mural for Tony Stark… I was just wondering; do you want to tag along?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda been a while!   
> It hasn't been to long, but I felt super motivated to write a new chapter due to all the positive responses from last chapter!   
> I'm not sure how much I like this chapter, so I'd love to hear y'alls thoughts again <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony comes to a conclusion and makes a final decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I kinda blanked out while writing this (whoops?), I might come back to this and re-edit/rewrite it, but I'll keep it like this for now incase it isn't as bad as I think it is (need feedback!!!)
> 
> Um, sorry for not updating soon, taking IGCSE (international) Art was a horrible idea that has wasted a lot of my free time. 
> 
> Reading through everyone's comments made me super happy! I really love what you guys have to say :>

A part of Tony Stark wanted to go back.

A small, small part of him wanted to forget everything that ever happened, put on a fake smile and his sunglasses, and just forget.

He would be back into the public eye. “A Miracle”, the tabloids would say, as their savior has come back. But he also knew that if he went back, there would be so many questions.

People are curious creatures after all, they won’t stop asking until they know the _whole_ story.

The media would circle you as if you were prey, coming closer and closer, before they finally pounce. They will stop at _nothing_ to get it out of you.

The media will tear you down, piece by piece, until there’s nothing left but the shell of a human you desperately tried to keep away.

Which is one of the reasons why he didn’t want to go back.

The fear of having to admit what years upon years of trauma has done to him makes him _sick._

He remembers what his father had taught him – ‘As a Stark, it is your job to keep yourself on top, weakness is an opportunity for those less fortunate than you.’

Has Tony learnt nothing? Had he taken everything he had learnt from his childhood and destroyed it, incinerating it in the pit of fear and hatred boiling inside of him.

Had avoiding the inevitable been a cowardly play? Should he had strived to be better? Grown thicker skin? 

He didn’t know. Tony Stark didn’t know.

* * *

“ _You don’t have to answer now, of course.”_ Matteo stirred through the coffee absentmindedly, looking out the window, resting his head on his palm.

_“I know your feelings about the Avengers and I understand it’s a difficult choice-”_

_“Would you be disappointed if I didn’t go?”_ Antonio forced the sentence out of his mouth, just the sound of that question was revolting. ~~Why would Tony Stark care about what other people thought?~~

Matteo didn’t bat an eye, he just continued stirring, not at wrinkle on his face.

_“It isn’t about whether or not I would be disappointed Antonio, it’s about whether or not you are comfortable.”_

There was an odd sense of comfort that washed over Tony when he heard Matteo say those words. Similar to a brother, like Rhodey – but not as strong.

Matteo’s voice was smoother, more relaxing and comforting. It was lighter than Rhodey’s booming voice.

Rhodey teased and got protective. Matteo teases on the occasion but was more the comforting type. Two sides of the same coin.

_“I would feel a little lonely Antonio, that’s all, but I understand why you wouldn’t go, and I won’t hate you for it.”_

* * *

It wasn’t that Tony was ungrateful.

No, far from it.

Tony couldn’t believe he was so lucky.

He appeared randomly one day, and without hesitation, people took him under their wing and taught him everything he needed to know.

It started with the Malito’s, the first people who he had ever met. A lovely couple who always introduced newcomers with a happy smile and a warm hug. They were always the people who reminded him to eat, and also were those who helped him out when he was struggling to fit in. 

Matteo came next, they originally met that one night on the boulder. Immediately Matteo made an impression on Tony, being able to joke around while still knowing when to stop. Matteo was the person he could talk to with some personal issues despite their different takes on life. Matteo was there with him daily, working through issues one step at a time.

The kid was a welcome surprise, he was just a mentee, and yet the kid was willing to learn. That spark of joy and curiosity was a welcome addition to Tony’s somewhat monotonous day. And in return, the kid would bring coffee – but also teach Tony about the people of Scanno.

Tony didn’t want to compare families. And considering the fact that one was bigger than another – it was an unfair comparison.

But Tony knew that there was more freedom in one than the other.

He wasn’t being forced to do this or that. He did it willingly. He was given a choice.

It felt like he could finally breath.

He didn’t want to lose that freedom.

He was scared that if he went back, one wrong move, one too close of a look, would reveal who he was.

He was scared that the Malito’s, Matteo, the kid… he was scared they would feel tricked. That this ‘Antonio Carbonell’ was nothing but a false persona.

There was too much room for error. One small mistake and everything would be gone.

Maybe he deserved it.

Maybe it is punishment for growing too attached.

Punishment for relying on others for his personal happiness.

Atonement for his mistakes in the past, the present and the future.

As soon as Tony Stark feels that he could breathe, that is when something goes terribly wrong.

Tony Stark has no choice but to remain underwater.

But Matteo – Matteo _wants_ him there, isn’t it selfish to deny Matteo’s happiness and comfort over small trivial things?

It wasn’t necessary for Tony to be with Matteo as he painted, he could just stay in the hotel room, or wear a good enough disguise.

_Selfish_

_Selfish_

_Selfish_

_You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on the wire and let the other guy crawl over you..._

_Selfish Selfish Selfish_

_Stark_

_This isn’t about you; your opinions don’t matter here._

_Stop being so SELFISH._

* * *

“ _Okay.”_

_“Okay? Are you sure?”_ Matteo quirked an eyebrow, his eyes full on hesitance and confusion.

_“Yeah … I want to be there to see your achievements.”_

Tony could hear Matteo suck in a breath.

It took a while for Matteo to process, Tony believes, considering how Matteo took a while to respond.

_“Thank you.”_

It the most quiet and sincere ‘Thank You’ that Tony had heard in a while.

_“It’s no problem, really.”_

There was a mutual understanding between them. Matteo could tell that Tony was lying, but refused to comment. There was no need for Matteo to ask Tony to elaborate further, because Matteo knew that Tony wouldn’t want to say anything anymore.

Matteo just knew instinctively that Tony didn’t want to do this, he didn’t even need to ask. But Matteo didn’t go against Tony’s will either, because it was Tony’s decision.

Tony made a decision; he made a reckless decision that might haunt him for a few months.

But,

_Tony’s making the sacrifice play._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for you guys to figure out which family I was talking about - Tony's birth family or the Avengers. (hehe) 
> 
> As always, I'm so happy that you guys are reading this <3, I love knowing what you guys think, so a comment, a kudos or anything else keeps me going and improving! 
> 
> I've taken everyone's feedback into account and have made a mental list of things to add to! 
> 
> Once again, thank all of you guys so much and I'll see you in the next update!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A jet lands in Scanno awaiting two people to board it, one of which being an artist, the other being a famous man in disguise. Upon arrival in their destination, who knows what'll happen?
> 
> Trigger Warning:   
> Mentions/thoughts of suicide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD BITCHES!!!
> 
> To give a brief explanation on why the hell I was away for like, a month:  
> -I take IGCSE art and had to finish like, 4 A2 boards in two months time or so (pain)  
> -This was then followed by the mid-term exams (more pain)
> 
> Yeah that's kinda it.  
> I mean, I guess I let myself take a mini break because, honestly, I was trying to figure out how to go about writing this chapter. Similarly to chapter 2, this chapter was an odd one transitional-type chapter to write. 
> 
> I tried my best anyways, enjoy!

Antonio wasn’t sure what he was expecting when a jet landed in the city square.

The sudden sound of engines whirring was enough to confuse everyone in the peripheral area, but the small, black, sleek jet was the crème de la crème, especially in such a small town like Scanno.

There was awe, and surprise, but most importantly – annoyance.

Antonio felt his mood sour as soon as the familiar jet landed, almost a fear of seeing a certain group of people step out of it despite knowing that they wouldn’t.

Matteo on the other hand, was perfectly fine, cheerful even, though he was still looking at Antonio hesitantly.

Antonio was still conflicted, but he had made up most of his mind by now.

_Do it for Matteo._

With a large intake of breath and his trusty bags in tow, Antonio set off, returning back to the land of freedom and dishonesty.

* * *

The interior of the jet was exactly as Tony had designed it, not quite as lavish as his private jet, but definitely above the realm of a normal first-class flight.

This, to Matteo was all new, evident in the way his eyes seemed to glisten at the sight of something gold plated.

_It was all for show._

It was simple really, humans were like magpies, drawn to things that were shiny despite their lack of use.

That was partly why the Iron Man suit was gold in the first place. It was attention seeking, bred and made to feed into Tony’s ego.

_Disgusting._

~~Tony~~ Antonio laid back into a plush seat that he had sat in many times before, though this being the first time in 8 months made him realize just how lush his previous life was.

Just as Antonio remembered, as soon as Matteo sat down and buckled in, the plane took off.

Matteo whistled, obviously impressed.

“ _Wow.”_ He was almost nudging Antonio in the side with just how much he was moving in excitement. “ _Look at how amazing this plane is! There’s so much detail in the design, it’s absolutely amazing!!!”_

He looked over to Antonio, “ _Don’t you – ah, right, sorry.”_

Antonio felt guilty immediately, “ _No, it’s okay, continue.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

Antonio couldn’t do anything but nod.

* * *

The thing about returning back ‘home’ after a while of staying overseas is that many would expect someone there to great them with a hug. And though there was someone very, very familiar there to greet Matteo and Tony, it just wasn’t the hugs and kisses Tony grew to expect.

A warm handshake from a woman in a business suit asking his name.

Eyes clearly exhausted, though hidden by the professional mask Antonio had seen her wear many times before.

“Antonio Carbonell” and Tony could tell she knew.

Pepper knew her mothers name, Pepper knew that Antonio practically equivalated to Tony.

And yet, she said nothing and her professional smile didn’t falter, a warm ‘welcome home’ hiding behind her clear blue eyes.

Antonio did nothing but nod.

* * *

They were given a tour of the tower Antonio had seen, and been in, many times before.

However, it was different. A sense of emptiness seemed to clog the entire tower.

Maybe it was the fact he was so used to the bots being around. The peaceful whirring, they produce, the comfortable silence Tony sat in knowing that someone was there, looking after him.

Everything changed.

And Tony could fix it.

Tony could _fix it._

However, …

He looks towards Matteo, the kid, the Malito’s, Scanno.

It’s no longer just a town he is in to escape. It’s not a vacation spot, never has it really been. And he can’t say it’s his home.

No, it’s not any of that.

Scanno …

Scanno is an _opportunity_.

An opportunity to help develop. To help a small, unexpecting town learn and grow.

It’s an opportunity to meet new people. People who are humble, sincere and kind.

It’s an opportunity to clean up his act, to cleanse himself of sin, or at least feel that his hands are losing its red stain.

But most importantly, it’s an opportunity for him to learn how to appreciate himself.

**Not that he knows that.**

Tony Stark does not love himself, even _like_ himself. 

He does not feel any form of gratitude to be put on the Earth, sometimes wishing he were never born in the first place.

It is a stretch to say that Tony Stark wishes he were dead. Tony Stark does not want to kill himself.

The one thing Tony regrets the most in his personal life, not his personified figure, not Iron man, but as Tony Stark, was creating bonds and relationships.

Because now, he has a reason to keep going.

But if Tony Stark were given an opportunity to give his life away for one or two to survive.

He would pick that option without a _second thought._

But hell has proven time and time again that it doesn’t want him.

People call it a miracle, the fact that he is alive.

No, it is a _curse._

Just like how the deaths of others and his fear of abandonment haunts him, the seeming inability to die haunts him.

And that was all Tony Stark wanted out of life.

_Peaceful, breath-taking, silence._

Away from his nightmares, the questionable looks, the harsh whispers.

Just, _Silence._

Tony Stark didn’t want anything big, or incredibly outlandish.

And yet, it was always impossible to achieve until he got to Scanno.

So being back in the tower, amongst the unusual silence,

_Tony Stark felt a shiver run down his spine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and being so patient with my update time <3
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, and even if you didn't, please leave thoughts and suggestions! 
> 
> I know this update was probably underwhelming, and I apologize for that, but if you still feel that it is good enough to warrant a bookmark, kudos, comment or subscription - I love you. 
> 
> Once again, I'm so so sorry for the horrible update schedules.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio inspects the differences between himself and Tony. 
> 
> He also runs into some people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!   
> I decided to update before my holiday ends. I only just finished my first term project for art, so its taken quite a while to get time to update.   
> Even so, I hope you enjoy the chapter! It was pretty fun to write.

For the longest time, Tony Stark had been hiding behind appearances. He morphed into what he thought he was, what the _public_ thought he was. Though that could be said for any public figure.

Tony Stark should not be having any trouble dealing with Antonio Carbonell. He should not find it difficult considering his years of practice.

The issue is, he hasn’t been having any trouble, at all.

* * *

In his many years of living, Tony Stark has learnt many things.

Firstly, don’t take shit from nobody. If someone bites, bite back. In this world, kindness rarely gets you anywhere.

Secondly, hold your head up high, stand straight, confident, wear things that are unnecessarily expensive and show it off to assert dominance.

Thirdly, never cry. Crying makes you seem weak; the opponent can use that against you. The press can use that against you.

Those were the basics mannerisms that makes a person rise to the top.

Business men, Captains, Presidents.

Following those rules set in Stark blood is how Tony became so successful.

So, all he had to do to become Antonio was to break those rules.

Submit, keep his head down and openly express emotion.

Tony Stark was no trained spy, he didn’t have a million identities hidden somewhere, along with superb acting skills that could make the greatest actors in the world cry.

No, Tony Stark had no practice in those regions.

So why is it that when Tony becomes Antonio, there is no strain.

He does not need to place himself in a headspace.

He does not need time to change into Antonio’s thought process.

He does not need to do anything.

Why is it that Antonio Carbonell, a secret identity, was more _genuine_ than Tony Stark.

It was simple really, Antonio Carbonell was not a secret identity.

Antonio Carbonell was only a name.

Tony Stark remembered his mandatory English classes from when he was young. How his tutors went on and on about Romeo and Juliet.

Act 2, Scene 2. The famous balcony scene.

“ _A rose by any other name would smell as sweet”_

It was a line drilled into his head. A line he would later on use to get ladies to fall on their knees, crowding around him. Their hands constantly roaming his body, touching in a way that made him believe for a split second that they would not go to the press and tell them their experiences later on.

‘Romeo and Juliet’ was a tragedy that explored the ignorance of two teenagers who fell in love, believing that they were lovers upon first sight. ‘Star-crossed’, some may call it. Tony always saw it two spoiled teenagers convincing themselves they were in love to get out of something else.

Tony Stark, the persona, the name in bright lights, was the appearance. Similar to how on first impression, the story of Romeo and Juliet was just a simple love story. Antonio Carbonell, the meek mechanic living in Scanno, was the reality.

But under all of the shiny rings, watches and well-tailored suits. Tony Stark was just like Antonio Carbonell with a different name.

And if anyone knew that, then, well. Everything Tony Stark had worked so hard for would just go to waste, huh?

So when “The Avengers” walked in, Tony Stark immediately realized that he was screwed.

* * *

Tony was just watching over Matteo has he did his underpainting.

His brush strokes were fluid, even on a slightly larger than A2 sized canvas.

The burnt sienna layering on top of a lighter shade to create the rough shape of the helmet.

It was odd to see how a painting comes to be, but the process itself seems rather satisfying none the less.

He was so enthralled by each brush stroke Matteo made, that he didn’t notice that a few other people joined them until a pair of heels came clicking in.

He turned his head, only to see a group of people he never wanted to see again in front of him.

He could immediately feel himself get nervous while sweat started coating his hands.

_You’ll be alright. Just breath._

“Ah, Matteo, Antonio, it’s nice to see you again.” Pepper started, looking professional, not a hair out of place. Her hands weren’t shaking, back straight, head held up high.

“As you could see I’ve brought some guests with me.”

Antonio translated for Matteo, making sure his voice wasn’t wavering all that much and laying on a thick Italian accent.

“Hello, I’m Natasha Romanoff.” The familiar red-head said, her smooth voice coiling around Antonio’s body, causing him to almost freeze for a moment.

_Relax._

“ _Hello. I’m Matteo Pacino. I’m the artist from Italy.”_ Matteo reached his hand out for Natasha to shake.

Antonio was about to translate, but it seemed that Natasha knew the language well.

“ _Hello Matteo, it’s nice to meet you. Who’s your friend?”_

Natasha looked straight at Antonio, and Tony knew that she knew.

“My name is Antonio. I’m his translator.” Antonio said, making sure his Italian accent was as thick as possible.

“ _What did you say?”_ Matteo questioned.

“ _He said he was your translator.”_

Matteo let out a laugh, “ _No, no. Antonio’s a friend. He’s a mechanic, actually.”_

_“Is that so?”_ Natasha quirked an eyebrow.

“Hey! Natasha, you could stop complaining about us now!” ~~Clint~~ Hawkeye said.

Natasha smirked, neither denying nor confirming his accusation.

“ _May I see what you’re working on?”_ She asked.

Tony translated and Matteo nodded.

She came behind the two, bending down slightly in order to look at the painting, before whispering into Tony’s ear.

“It’s nice to see you aren’t dead, Tony.”

No one else heard.

She stood up, patting both Tony and Matteo on the shoulder. Tony restricted his urge to flinch.

“ _Good work.”_ She gave them a thumbs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could you tell I'm studying Romeo in Juliet in English Literature?   
> Honestly I wish I actually wrote that on my midterms, though I haven't gotten my results back so we'll see. 
> 
> You guys have honestly been so fucking amazing like oh my god.   
> Some days I don't feel all that great about my writing or my work, then I think back to some comments I've gotten and I feel quite a bit better. Y'alls support is honestly just amazing. 
> 
> Ignoring the fact that it's currently 1am where I live, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!  
> It would mean a lot to me if you left a comment, kudos, etc. etc. 
> 
> Once again, thank you so much! <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio Carbonell, or rather, Tony Stark used to be a hate-filled man. But over time, he had learnt many things. 
> 
> Whether not he would apply them or practice what he preaches is another issue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowee I actually updated, didn't expect that for myself, pat on the back. 
> 
> So, what have a written? Well it's not another chapter of a not at all in-depth look into Tony Stark's thought process, but rather an actual narrative with conversations and shit that has some form of plot relevance. 
> 
> Some of you are waiting for Pepper or Natasha to get slammed on and uh, I don't know what I've done but here we go.

Tony’s heart pulsated in his chest, he felt breathless, hearing her disgusting words caress his ear.

“It’s nice to see you aren’t dead, Tony.”

She doesn’t get to call him Tony. His name is Stark or Carbonell, nothing more, nothing less. But he can’t react, he can’t talk back.

_Stay calm._

Some others join them. Steve, who was an artist, looked at the piece with an expression of awe.

~~Akin to when he first saw Tony’s workshop.~~

_Stay calm._

They were speaking and complimenting and conversing but Tony could barely hear, only intaking information and outputting information.

“You look similar… I feel like I’ve met you before.” Scarlet Witch said, her soft accent rolling of her tongue.

~~She sounded nice when she wasn’t busy hating and avoiding him.~~

Tony was about to translate.

“No, not him, you.”

Tony tried his hardest to not let a sweat drip from his forehead.

“How bizarre.”

Thick Italian accent. Thick Italian accent. Thick Italian accent.

She hummed, smiling for a moment before turning back to chat with Hawkeye.

Matteo nudged Antonio’s shoulder.

Antonio looked at the piece, Matteo gestured to his reference image, pointing out the intricate details in the helmet and how light reflected off it.

_“Gorgeous, isn’t it? A perfect blend of art and mechanics.”_

Matteo knew that Antonio didn’t like the group. Not only because he had mentioned it previously, but also based on how he was acting. Robotic, in a way, some may consider it to be nerves, but Matteo knew better.

_“I don’t doubt that Stark had planned to make the suit as flashy as possible to feed into his own ego.”_

For a moment, Tony forgot that Natasha understood him. He could see her tense up from the corner of his eye.

_“I’m glad he did. Gold and red are a beautiful colour combination, much more interesting than plain black.”_ Matteo turned back to face Natasha, “ _No offense ma’am.”_

Natasha shook her head. “ _None taken.”_

Matteo looked back at his work, dipping his brush into linseed oil and swirling it around, cleaning it.

“ _What a shame that he isn’t here. He must have been quite a fun person to be around, with all the parties and alcohols.”_

_“He was quite interesting, yes. Very, how would you say? Eccentric. Very into his work.”_

_“Similar to Antonio, I take it.”_

_“How so?”_ The corner of Natasha’s lip quirked up, her well defined brow lifting up.

_“Always working, rarely sleeps or eat, I have to be the one to drag him out of the house.”_

Natasha laughed, “ _Sounds exactly like Tony.”_

Natasha glanced towards him and he could feel himself melt under her gaze.

_Don’t panic._

Antonio huffed and squinted his eyes at Matteo angrily. Matteo let out a chuckle.

“ _We should get going, we were just finished helping out and apprehending people, so the team is quite sweaty. Apologies for the boys stinking up the place.”_

Natasha waved goodbye, exiting the room and the rest of the team followed suit.

Pepper stayed in the room, looking around slightly awkwardly.

“I need to talk to you.” She says, gesturing to Tony.

Tony looked over at Matteo, “ _Be right back.”_

* * *

Tony was directed to a small meeting room.

There were some small decorations, like plants and paintings. But for the most part it was barren, except for the long table in the centre.

Pepper locked the door shut, making sure there was a click.

The two of them stood there in silence before Pepper wrapped her arms around Tony’s waist.

He tensed slightly, before awkwardly reaching around to rub her back.

Pepper’s heals were firmly planted into the plush carpet, as she dug her face into the crook Tony’s neck.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Why are you sorry, there’s nothing to be sorry for.” He dropped the accent, a small smile on his clean-shaven face. His fingers combed through the reddish-brown hair of the women in front of him.

“I-I drove you away… we all drove you away.” Her voice cracked and was shaky, letting go of her business women persona.

“No one knew what to do, you know. No one was prepared, and I tried my hardest to keep things under control.”

“B-but things got out, and people speculated… some people thought you were abducted by aliens, you know?”

Tony chuckled and Pepper laughed along, her giggles providing a familiar fluttering in his stomach.

“Of all things they could have thought of, aliens? I mean it’s realistic I’ll give them that.” Pepper stated, another round of laughter coming from her mouth before dying down.

“I-I really tried; you know. Nothing worked the same without you, without Iron Man.” Tony could hear her smile start to fade.

“People were disappointed with The Avengers, and rightfully so. There was so much backlash and I was so tempted to not help out at all. PR didn’t want to deal with that nightmare, and nor did I… And then, Rhodey. Oh god Rhodey – his speech seemed to lit a fire under that group of asshats.”

“They worked hard to make it up to you – to us. I don’t know if you know this, but they started fundraisers, worked at food banks, those types of things. I don’t know if it was to make themselves feel better, to convince themselves that they were better than what they are. I don’t know anything.”

“But all I know, is that we messed up, Tony. We messed up big time. And I owe you an apology, so I’m sorry.” She sobbed, small tears dropping from her cheeks.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, shhh.” Tony cupped Pepper’s face between his hands, using his thumb to gently wipe the tears.

“It’s okay, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Tony please-”

“You’re the best thing that could have ever happened to me-”

“Tony.”

Tony stopped to listen.

“I left you, right when you needed me, needed someone. I left, then you left.”

“I needed to leave anyways, if anything, I should be apologizing for not giving a warning.”

“Please just don’t… don’t pretend I didn’t do anything wrong.” Pepper moved Tony’s hands away from her cheeks, looking down at the floor with clenched fists.

“You always apologize for things you have no part in, so **please** for just this once, let me apologize for something I have done, okay.”

Tony stayed silent.

“I’m sorry for not being there for you, and I’m sorry for not speaking out sooner. I’m sorry for letting The Avengers continue and allowing them to walk into the building anytime they wanted to. And I’m sorry for letting them wear what you’ve designed and let them live in what designed, and live with your funds… and I’m especially sorry for letting them see you again.”

Tony didn’t know what to say honestly.

He never imagined getting an apology from, well, anyone.

And he’s gotten them before, but it never felt this sincere.

A warmth bubbled in his chest hearing her words, though he knew she did nothing wrong.

“You did exactly what I wanted you to do, nothing more and nothing less.”

Pepper didn’t look satisfied with his response.

“Yell at me.” She demanded, starring him straight in the eyes.

“What?”

“Anthony Edward Stark, yell at me.”

“Why would I?”

“Yell at me! Tell me what I did wrong! Tell me what I should’ve done, god damn it, YELL AT ME!” Pepper screeched, her eyes shut tight and her face red, some loose tears escaping from her eyes.

“Yell at me for being happy to see you ‘Antonio Carbonell’! Yell at me for wanting to hug you as soon as I saw you and not doing so, yell at me!”

“No.”

Pepper stopped screaming in the soundproof room, glancing up at Tony with red eyes, the look of hatred and sorrow in them.

Tony gently clasped Pepper’s hand in his own.

“I’ve learnt a lot from when I was in Scanno, and I’m not planning on coming back here anytime soon, because I still have a lot more to learn.”

He cleared his throat.

“But even though I live in my mind, a dangerous place to be - really, where thoughts are dark and I reminisce and think to much. I’ve learnt that,

You need to differentiate between a hero and a villain.”

And with that, Tony turned around, and walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how did you guys find that? Fine, Disappointing, whatever it is, I would love to hear it <3 
> 
> I feel like Tony as a character is really damn complex, especially in the situation I've forced him into. He's finally showing signs of 'Recovery', I think. And though he would still think these really bad thoughts that would put him in a dark place, recovery is never instant. It's a slow process with highs and lows, and I've finally decided to let Tony start taking and learning from Matteo - the villain/hero thing coming from Chapter 7, I think. 
> 
> I'm slowly starting to let Tony relax and enjoy life for what it is, but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll be happy all the time, y'know? Just because he said what he said to Pepper, doesn't necessarily mean he will follow his own advice. Which is, in all honesty, kinda sad. But to quote someone, "It is what it is". (Please don't take this part seriously, if you guys are in a bad place, please seek help and don't just use 'it is what it is', yes? thanks.)
> 
> Sorry, I'm kinda in a goofy mood right now so there might be some stupid things said cause I couldn't properly put myself into my usual mindset while writing this.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony reminisces, thinks, and understands. 
> 
> All the while eating a burger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter this week! 
> 
> I tried my best! I'm still figuring out how to get the perfect balance between Tony's emotions to plot. 
> 
> For some reason, I feel that I write my 'stories' like essays. I'm not sure why, considering the fact I have writing essays.

When Tony walked out of the room, he left there a sobbing Pepper.

He didn’t necessarily feel bad, nor did he feel good. There was an empty feeling almost, no anger, no sorrow. Just nothing.

It was an odd experience. With the knowledge that this was someone he had developed a deep personal relationship with, someone he should love and trust – leaving her to herself without providing much comfort, leaving her there to deal with it by herself…

It should have felt shameful.

But it didn’t, he felt nothing. Slightly awkward, yes, but to him, she felt like a stranger.

* * *

When he returned to Matteo, the man looked at him strangely.

He didn’t know why, he felt that physically there was no signs of something haven gone wrong, and he knew that the room was completely soundproof, but the expression in the mans eye made it seem as if he could read his mind.

Tony sat back down on the little stool provided to him, the stillness of his surroundings embraced his mind, awareness of each slight movement made, the slight twitch of a finger, the up and down movement of a chest, the nervous chewing on a lip.

The world stilled.

“- _tonoi.”_

_“Antonio.”_

Right, he was Antonio. 

He glanced at the dark-haired man, who has stopped his painting, instead electing to look at the Antonio with a softness in his eye.

“ _Are you alright?”_

Antonio breathed through is nose, not knowing how long he had been holding it before feeling the heavenly return of oxygen through his body.

“ _Yes.”_

He knew his voice was strained, a tight, forced sound that was a sign of falsehood.

_“Antonio…”_

Matteo shot him a look, giving him a second chance.

“ _Perfectly fine.”_

Why wouldn’t his voice stop straining?

Matteo wiped his hands on his apron, standing up.

“ _We’re going back to the hotel.”_

Antonio looked up at the standing man in confusion.

“ _Huh? Wait a minute, you don’t have to stop just because I didn’t feel well-”_

Matteo shook his head.

“ _Nonsense. Besides, I need a break anyways. It’s around five now –”_ Antonio didn’t even notice the time, “ _let’s go freshen up and get some food, how about that?”_

_“… Are you sure?”_ There’s a reluctance to Antonio’s voice, one that hasn’t come out of that man’s voice in years prior to living in Italy.

_“Of course, I’ll even pay. Let’s get one of the famous burgers of America.”_

Too be honest, Antonio really missed those burgers.

“ _Calorie filled, greasy deliciousness. You’ve been around the place, any recommendations?”_

Matteo packed up. He knew where everything went, though it was the first time working with the set. Stark Industries provided the best of the best, and though Matteo was sad to part with his frequently used appliances, he seemed ecstatic with the new paints.

“ _Not exactly… it’s fast food…”_

_“Fast food it is then!”_

* * *

On occasion, Tony would look towards Matteo in shock.

He was younger than him by ten years, yet he seemed to have everything in order.

He was kind, but so very genuine.

He was intelligent, but not cunning. 

He was understanding without being forceful.

Tony could go on and on.

Tony Stark wasn’t stupid; he could tell when people were using him.

When they fluttered their eyelashes just the slightest bit too much, when they force themselves upon them, grasping onto his arm tightly.

There were so many signs, and sex could usually solve the issue. It would give the reporters something to report about.

But that wasn’t always the case, Tony realized that after Stane.

Touching, a lot of touches on the shoulders, arms, almost a territorial marking.

Tony wasn’t accustomed to being touched, maybe there were some light hovering from Jarvis or his mother, but most of the time, he was left alone.

Stane changed that for him.

So much, all the time. Patting, shoulder rubs, nudges. It made it seem like they were _friends._ More than business partners.

It seemed like Stane touched him every time they met.

And then, slowly, stopped.

Tony didn’t know what he did wrong. Was he not working enough? Were the designs not good enough? Was he not good enough?

He worked harder and harder, creating mass weapons of destruction.

And then he almost died.

He knew what manipulation was, and he knew what Stane had done. But he still let it happen, didn’t he?

He consented to the emotional abuse from everyone, so who is he to say that he didn’t want it in the first place?

He always thought he could live with it, the constant ache in his bones and soul.

As long as he provided, then people would leave him be, right?

He didn’t know how wrong he was until he met Matteo.

Matteo never forced himself upon Antonio. He was the one to engage conversation, yes. But there were no touches.

Occasionally there would be a rub on his shoulders, or a nudge, but never did it cause shivers to run down Tony’s spine, or a flinch.

It felt like reassurance.

_Everything will be okay._

Matteo knew when Tony needed help, but never forced him to talk about it.

Never once had he screamed.

Never once had he judged.

Never once had he looked at him in disgust.

It was horrifying to know that after all these years of waiting for someone to save him from himself, that it wasn’t Pepper or Rhodey to arrive as his knight in shining armor.

Just a painter from a small town.

So, when they walked into a Burger King to get a whopper, there was nothing Tony could say, except for:

“ _I miss Mrs. Malito’s Cioppino.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed, even if you didn't I would love to hear your thoughts! 
> 
> It's hard to find time to write nowadays, especially since I'm usually at crippling exhaustion levels after school, but that's why I have weekends, right? 
> 
> Anyways, hope y'all like the chapter, have a good day!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony Stark thinks. 
> 
> He thinks a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Thoughts on death
> 
> \---
> 
> Guess who? It's me. 
> 
> This chapter is quite a bit shorter than usual, but a holiday is coming up so I hope to have time to write longer chapters soon!
> 
> This chapter was surprisingly easy to write, mostly because I've thought about some of this stuff recently. Sometimes the things I think about end up appearing in my writing unintentionally, I think this might have been one of those cases where my brain just ends up rambling on. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It's always a joy to explore Tony as a character, especially the way a write him, but sometimes it takes a toll on me mentally cause it's a lot of thinking. I managed to stay pretty positive this time though!

Sometimes Antonio found himself longing to go back.

Go back to that luxurious life of fame and fortune – money an unimportant and unvaluable substance.

He wasn’t just an engineer; he was an innovator.

Whether that be a good or bad thing, Tony missed it.

But he never thought that hard about it, because it didn’t matter.

Innovation never stops when you’re an innovator, even if you aren’t a famous one.

But he still misses the past.

Being back in America, with Matteo, was interesting, because the longer he stayed there the more he missed Italy.

He’s in a weird middle ground where he doesn’t know where he wants to be at any moment in time.

Occasionally, he wished he were at both places simultaneously.

Occasionally, he wished he was nowhere.

Nowhere,

Nothing,

Silence.

People used to say to Tony that he should clear his mind, stop thinking so much, and that really stuck with him.

The idea that you could shut your brain off like an on and off switch.

He didn’t know if everyone could do that, if everyone could just silence their thoughts.

If it was an actual thing, he wished he learnt it years ago, because maybe then, he wouldn’t be thinking to hard into small things.

As he lies on a clean, fresh mattress in a standard hotel in New York, he thinks.

He thinks because he can’t sleep.

But he can’t sleep because he thinks.

Thinking…

Thinking…

Thinking…

What does death feel like?

There’s an invisible boulder on his chest, compressing it.

Does it just, end?

There’s nothing anymore afterwards, right?

Or is there a god?

Well, obviously, gods exist.

But what happens when you die?

Tony rolls over onto his stomach, shutting his eyes, attempting to get some sleep.

Does it feel like sleeping?

Do you just drift?

No, that can’t be it, when you’re sleeping, you’re alive.

You lose your memories; memories you share with the people you care about.

Everything important, you lose.

You lose yourself, there’s nothing there when you die.

Tony Stark does not believe in afterlife, there’s no proof for it.

But a part of him hopes that when he dies, it will be a peaceful death.

Because now there’s something to live for.

And when there’s something to live for, you want to spend as much time with it as possible.

You don’t want to _forget._

If you asked him years ago, Tony Stark would say he didn’t fear death.

But now? Now Tony Stark hesitates.

Antonio relaxed into the bed; a soft exhale of air released from his captivity.

It doesn’t take more than a minute before soft snores escape from him.

* * *

Antonio met up with Matteo the next morning.

Their hotel rooms were connected to each other, so it was more like Matteo waltzing into his room and making a cup of coffee to lure him out.

It was a nice morning though, all things considered.

Just the two of them, barely awake, huddled over a table with a cup of steaming coffee as they waited for room service.

Comfortable silence.

There was a ring at the doorbell. Matteo stood up to get it.

Antonio waited, stirring his coffee, looking at how smoothly the coffee swirled.

A whirlwind of ground coffee beans, water, cream and sugar.

The cart rolled in, the housekeeper leaving in a hurry once it arrived at its destination.

Ceramic plates full of food decorated the sheet on top of the cart, an assorted ranging from eggs to pancakes.

It was just a simple American breakfast, one Tony didn’t eat a lot, but breakfast nonetheless.

Matteo yawned.

“ _This looks okay…”_

Antonio chuckled.

_“What were you expecting?”_

Matteo poked at the slightly grey looking scrambled eggs on his plate.

“ _A lot more grease.”_

Antonio let out a hearty laugh, pouring a bit of syrup on his pancakes before cutting into them.

Matteo wrinkled his nose, staring at the syrup with distaste.

Antonio shrugged it off, dipping his bacon in the syrup.

_“Why would you!? … Is this a traditional American thing?”_

_“Bacon and maple syrup is popular. Bacon and normal syrup is a me thing.”_

Matteo gagged, causing Antonio to laugh again at his disgust.

_“Hey, sweet and salty work okay? Think of salted caramel.”_

_“How dare you compare salted caramel to that monstrosity.”_

Matteo glared at the syrup drenched bacon.

_“Don’t knock it til’ you try it.”_

Antonio took a big bite out of the bacon.

Matteo shook his head, groaning loudly.

The conversation continued on, small banter and jokes causing slight laughing fits to break out between the two.

Slowly but surely, they finished their meal with more energy than what they had previously started with.

_“What time are you planning on heading out to the tower?”_ Tony asked, looking at the time on his watch.

_“I’m not planning on going there today.”_

Tony was confused.

Where else was he going to paint? His supplies were still at the tower, and there wasn’t any good ventilation in the hotel room.

_“I noticed you weren’t that comfortable yesterday … I won’t ask what happened, but I think it would be nice to take a break, even if it’s for one day.”_

Tony could feel his throat tighten.

Why did Matteo care so much for him? They were practically strangers – Matteo doesn’t even know who he really is.

_“I got a list from Ms. Potts, of some places Stark liked. I thought it could be useful for inspiration, to understand him, I guess.”_

Tony nodded stiffly.

He pulled his mouth up into a small smile.

“ _Sounds good, I’ll go get ready.”_

Matteo nodded.

_“See you in thirty?”_

_“Yep.”_

Tony let out a sigh of relief when Matteo left.

‘Let’s see how well Pepper did.’ He thought, with some hefty doubt in mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that was okay? Again, this chapter is just the slightest bit shorter than usual, and you could probably tell. 
> 
> I tried to practice my dialogue skills a bit more, I think Tony/Antonio has reached a point where he's finding it a bit easier to communicate. He still has doubts about Matteo, but he's slowly overcoming them, especially with how Matteo acts compared to some other characters. 
> 
> The end goal for this fic is to see Tony recover, not completely, but to a noticeable point. 
> 
> I can't say when it ends, or how it ends, but I have plans for the future. 
> 
> Thanks for tuning in once again! I know my update times are pretty all over the place, but it's nice that people haven't really cared about it. Please leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts! And as always, thanks for all the kudos <3 I haven't really been paying too much attention to them, but knowing that people like this makes my day!
> 
> Thank you all so much!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio and Matteo embark on a small adventure to find out more about Tony Stark. (Or in Antonio's case, to find out more about Pepper Potts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been far too long. 
> 
> I had so much time (cause of a holiday), and yet I chose to procrastinate instead as a result of pure stupidity. 
> 
> Sorry for the really really weird update schedules, I genuinely have no real excuse. 
> 
> I guess I've slowly been dipping out of the marvel fandom for some weird reason but Imma try to continue writing this since it's been good practice for me!

Tony Stark would consider himself a simple man.

Behind all the glitz and glamor, expensive cologne and Armani suits, the floors and floors of fancy cars he would never use again, he was a simple man.

A simple man with simple plans, simple ambitions.

That was what Tony Stark considered himself as.

Of course, none of this is true.

Most people tend to think of themselves in a multi-dimensional view. Not condensing themselves to fit certain archetypes or basing their person on a few facts. They have all the information in their world to understand what shaped them into the person they are now.

For instance, those who suffered with abuse don’t act the same as those who were shrouded in constant validation.

The past always makes an impact on the future, whether or not someone wants it to or not.

For someone like Tony Stark, a boy born with a silver spoon in his mouth, to play up the spoiled and rich act, knowing fully well that he as a person has changed, that begs the question of whether or not the opposing idea is true.

Do the things that occur in ‘the future’ help people stray away from those that have occurred in the past.

Is Tony Stark a simple man?

Or is Tony Stark a liar?

* * *

Antonio put on his sneakers, knowing fully well that they were probably going to do a lot of walking that day.

The sneakers (that at some point were fresh), were now coated in a varnish of dirt and grime, scuff marks plagued the shoe, a testament to its long-time use.

Matteo was waiting outside with a carrier bag and a camera around his neck, immediately taking a photo when he saw Antonio leave the room.

" _Cheese!_ ”

Antonio instead just provided him with a hearty chuckle, nudging his shoulder as he walked down the hotel corridor.

“ _Our first stop is uhhh…”_

Matteo fiddled through his pockets, trying to find the piece of lose paper Ms. Potts gratefully provided him with.

“ _Ah right! Central Park.”_

_Of course_ , Tony Stark realized.

He sat and walked around that area quite a few times, either to get his brain going or cool down.

It was a large mass of trees situated in a jungle of concrete, but it was nothing compared to the beauty of Scanno.

When Tony lived and breathed New York, the busy streets paired with busier days and a busy life, seeing a loud green was just what he needed. But now, Tony could only feel a slight appreciation for it.

* * *

Matteo hummed as he sat on a bench, looking out at the manufactured fantasy world around them.

“ _It seemed Stark has an appreciation for nature as well.”_ Matteo took out his camera, photographing the scene around him.

“ _I didn’t see him as a simplistic person in the first place, but I still feel delighted to know that my theory was right.”_ There was a spark in Matteo’s eye, one that Tony had seen in many others before. It was a spark that Tony himself has had on multiple occasions.

_“And what would that theory be?”_ Antonio rested his chin on his hand, looking at a pigeon picking at some crumbs on the floor.

_“Maybe I’ll tell you my hypothesis one day, but only when I’m proven completely right.”_ Matteo said, a smirk clearly etched into his face.

_“Is that so? Well, I’ll look forward to seeing your evidence, when the time comes.”_

Matteo laughed sharply, causing the pigeons to fly away.

The walked side by side, Matteo occasionally stopping to take a photo of something interesting.

“ _What’s next then?”_

Matteo glanced at the piece of paper once more.

“ _A coffeeshop.”_

Tony Stark hopes to god that it was not Starbucks.

“ _You’ve got to be more specific than that.”_

_“Eh… something… Espresso.”_

Antonio took the paper, realizing that half of the writing was in English, and the other half in Italian.

“ _I’ll bring us there.”_

_“You know where it is?”_

Antonio simply just raised his phone.

* * *

Culture Espresso was a good choice.

He didn’t go there often. Usually, he would get Happy or Pepper to pick up some coffee there, not himself.

He actually hasn’t had any coffee from there in a while, though he had never skipped out on getting a chocolate chip cookie.

When he was busy, he wouldn’t ask for some fancy coffee from a shop when he could brew up a pot himself.

It always lacked in quality, but it did work.

* * *

They arrived at the shop, it wasn’t too far from central park, so it didn’t take too much time to search for it.

Antonio ordered a shot of espresso, while Matteo ordered a macchiato. With very little effort, Antonio encouraged the both of them to grab a chocolate chip cookie.

They snacked away in mostly pleasant silence, aside from the occasional small talk and shuttering of a camera.

The small coffee shop was the perfect break destination, before they went about their long, exhausting day. 

Matteo groaned as they excited the building, stretching slightly to get himself more energized. Surprising, since they had just had coffee.

“ _Tired so soon?”_ Antonio questioned with a light chuckle.

“ _The atmosphere made me sleepy, that’s all!”_ Matteo checked his watch.

“ _That was the perfect pre-lunch coffee, wasn’t it? How about we go get something to eat.”_ Matteo said, walking aimlessly.

“ _What are you thinking?”_ Antonio caught up to him, seeing Matteo pull out the sheet of paper he has been using as reference.

“ _This.”_ Matteo hands the paper over to Antonio, taping at a specific spot on the page.

“Ah.”

Carmine’s Italian Restaurant.

Tony usually went to the one in times square for the sake of efficiency, and for the first time since the entire trip had begun, he can say with a hundred percent certainty that this was a personal favourite of his.

“Italian.” Matteo said, pretty fluently.

“ _Yes, Italian.”_

Matteo hummed.

“ _I feel that we should be the judge of that.”_

Antonio nodded in agreement, pulling his phone out to act as if he hadn’t already been to this place way too many times.

“ _So Stark like Italian food? Maybe one day we’ll force him to Mrs. Malito’s.”_

_‘Oh, the sweet irony in that statement.’_

* * *

Despite some of his doubts, Tony had actually found the places on the list to not be that far off from his actual favourites.

His and Pepper’s relationship wasn’t… the best to say. They were great teammates who worked together well, but as a couple? Tony had always sensed that there was a lacking of trust emotional connection as a side effect of the lack of time they both have.

Maybe if they weren’t so busy, they would have worked out better.

And maybe, if Tony noticed earlier, he could have cleaned out a schedule a little bit more to make some time for the people in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't really long and I'm so sorry for that :(
> 
> I want to write longer chapters but my eyes get tired really easily, especially if I'm just staring at a blank document). 
> 
> In other news, I watched/ am watching WandaVision and it does not disappoint. 
> 
> Would love to hear y'alls thoughts about this chapter! Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments and bookmarks etc. It's nice to know that there are people out there who like this work!
> 
> Until later, see you all next time! <3

**Author's Note:**

> (I hope this is a good start to the fic, I'm not entirely sure how good this is)
> 
> Updates will be irregular - however I'll try to update whenever possible.


End file.
